Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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