as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
