he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
