The maid of honor just puked.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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