Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
