is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
