Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
