I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i came on her dog
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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