so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just google imaged poop.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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