Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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