I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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