Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
