I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
