I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
