Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
