it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
