Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
