I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
