You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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