i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
