Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
