Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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