How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
