Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
