I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So many bounce houses so little time
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
