So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
