so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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