Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This baby is an asshole
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
