kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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