Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bring me that man meat
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
