Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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