just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
