I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
