I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
