Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
