if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
