No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
