I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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