I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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