my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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