Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
