we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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