shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
