If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
