my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
