I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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