I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
