At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
