In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
