My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My feet surprised me
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